Follow the hope line

To all those who are married to chronic pain, and all those who dare to walk in shoes that have lost their soul.pressure rises, pulsating , prickly pain, like eating humble pie when allergic to pastry or phoning for help when their is no reception .

old, worn, brittle and damp as though the rain never took a vacation, endlessly trying to stay warm in the alps with only a polyester jumper and cotton socks.

The pegs all square, but the holes only round.

Making a coffee with sour milk, as all that was available, expired weeks ago.

As much as you place your face toward the sunlight the dark clouds enclose you, engulf you and tease you as an orca toils with its prey.

Hunted, haunted and helpless yet determined and unafraid of Breathlessness. Resilience becomes natural, medical disasters common like a runny nose.

Debilitating pain is like permanently having a broken bone that is awaiting a cast. Unwell becomes the daily norm, wellness is my worst sick day when well.

Most days I wake in shock still that my body’s permanent impairments may be part of last night nightmares.
Each week for long drawn hours twice a week I receive treatments that enable me to perform basic physical functions.
Grateful yet disenfranchised similar to helpless baby needing loved one to feed and clean.
Frozen in time, static feelings of grief and loss. And oh the damn pain that hovers and lingers.constantly, at times loud and angry, at times irritating and agonising.
bank account emptied as soon as it is full.
essentials barely covered, no more to sell or hockweekly medical treatments are paid and anxiety seeps back in.
Resourceful, resilient, restricted they see, more as rat trapped in sewer pipe scavenging scraps of food.
But there is always an ebb and a flow and the sun will always rise and shine bright even in the darkest of storms such as the relentless rain that threatens to explode.
Feeling defenceless, disempowered and dependent on so many medical bandaids. Like the cheap and nasty ones that always tear.
I could go on and on and loose my power, remain the victim and re-enforce the problem or dare to let go of the hold, leaving room to find hope that seems to love playing hide and seek.
Already in loosening the grip somewhat lighter.
To all that are suffering with chronic pain, disease and illness
Remember we are not alone although we may feel married to loneliness.
know you are valued and uniquely gifted.
Sometimes it’s as simple and yet complex to voice the unspeakable. To be heard and acknowledged, loved and valued. Is that such a tall order.
Perhaps we have more control than we think and can learn to turn the volume down on our ailments. We may not be able to change our conditions and pathology but we can alter how we respond and invest as much as we can in the people, places and things that Support, restore, inspire and reward.
If I could hold you in my hand I would tell you all, each and everyone of you right now in this very moment it’s ok.
Best you can Keep swimming upstream,follow the black line and when the rip snatches you, try to trust and surrender best you can and anchor with hope thAt you will be ok and soon you will be free to swim again.
Together and alone we could
Be still enough to see the beauty in the flower that grows in the harshest of deserts and the rainbow that is concealed in the storm.
You are important, you are unique and above all you are loved.let your compass stay north and anchor toward the port.
You may feel like I, that you walk the sandy path alone, one set of footprints, but know that momentarily something greater than ourselves could carry us, maybe for a second. Enough to take breath and start to rebuild again a fire of hope.

If we can keep our gaze toward the sunshine then the shadows may fall behind

1 thought on “Follow the hope line”

  1. Hi Riss You have eloquently conveyed your struggle. Thank you for your friendship and support. I am in awe of your strength and resilience in such horrendously struggle. You are valued and loved Love Poppy


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