This blog is Inspired by Denzel Washington’s talk “FAIL BIG”.
I watched this talk last night at 2am when I was unable to sleep due to pain. The talk was about his life story of periods of indirection and hopelessness to determined actions and ambitious goals that inevitably led to his remarkable success.
What struck me to the bone was, as he highlighted the essential element of planning and goals to achieve our dreams, was that I became paralysed. By the fact that currently I am a lost invisible physical empty body, with no purpose or vision, engulfed by the daily arduous grind of chronic pain and recent acute illness.
I was prior an overachiever driven by ambition, constant planning and goal setting and now I have daily tasks I set and not even able to achieve these with the physical pain that prevents me from engaging with life and activities and most significantly work, exercise, social connections, purposeful actions and activities.
My grinding daily pain management regime and medical treatments have now become burdensome and boring events I tolerate and after almost two years of trying to improve my health, i find hope so so far to see, let alone reach and I like Lou reeds lost soul swimming in a tiny fish hole I wish to escape . My ability to renew my resilience tires and all the self help literature feels unhelpful.
The sun is shining today and yet I feel cold and heavy as though it is a bitter cold winter day.My brain is failing me. I continually try to implement the brain re -wiring techniques I have studied and learnt yet this too is getting hard. So do I give up which is what I wholeheartedly feel Compelled to do or somehow try to see that if hope is there for others always, as I believe, then perhaps it has some time for me, if I let it in. So I will have to pretend I believe for now, but today I bunker in my walls and about all I can do is lie flat and paint and write from the floor and according to my goals for today I have failed but yet I will not be swallowed by numerous physical afflictions.
if Denzel says “FAIL BIG”, then I am successful but only if I can summon the courage and strength to re-implement careful, deliberate and determined actions and identify a new and workable vision for myself realistic to my physical barriers.
Without that I , And perhaps you, if this resonates for you;! We will only continue to feel stuck, in dreary monotonous motionless and Careless actions , like a small
Dinghy boat lost far out at sea bobbing around senselessly waiting for a god that cannot possibly help us, unless we shift our belief and our attitude.
So hang in, hang on tightly, even if by a tiny broken thread and don’t let others or yourself bully or belittle you and do only your best. Consider trying to find a vision or a goal that may provide some comfort or pleasure in the doing and achieving.
I am going to try. Will you join me